The best timeline. Enjoy.
September 2024: Courts deny Trump’s motion to vacate felony convictions. Trump is sentenced to 34 months in prison, sentence stayed pending appeal.
November 2024: Trump loses 2024 election to Kamala Harris by larger margins than his loss to Joe Biden 4 years earlier. Democrats regain control of House by 20 seats. Judge Aileen Cannon is overturned by appeals court and removed from stolen documents case. Trump is having extreme difficulty finding legal representation. Clarence Thomas suffers stroke and is “temporarily” incapacitated.
December 2024: Trump’s appeal of E. Jean Carrol judgement is denied. He forfeits over $100 million. Trump appeal of New York fraud conviction is upheld. $175 million bond forfeited, triggering near-bankruptcy of posting company. State of New York begins filing liens against available Trump assets.
January 2025 Kamala Harris, as vice president, confirms electoral vote counts, declares herself winner of 2024 election. MAGA militias respond with threats. Harris is sworn in as 47th president under heavy security. MAGA groups attempting to enter area of Capitol are stopped by heavy police presence. Clarence Thomas dies suddenly from stroke. He’s replaced by a 41-year-old liberal justice after a close vote.
February 2025 Supreme court refuses 6–3 to hear Trump’s appeal of felony convictions, stating they did not happen when he had immunity. Trump is ordered to report to prison within 30 days. New trial is scheduled in Trump’s stolen documents case, for August.
March 2025 Trump plane leaves Mar-A-Lago, ostensibly to New York. Thirty minutes into flight plane veers east over Atlantic, not responding to radio calls. Transponder is deactivated but plane is tracked to African coastline before being lost in traffic for several minutes. Plane turns up for an unscheduled landing in Bamako, Mali, after claiming “medical emergency”. Upon landing a number of persons are transferred to an armored vehicle which is loaded onto a Russian transport, which departs without authorization. Persons left behind tell vague accounts of “highjacking” by European-looking men speaking “Ukrainian” (nobody on Trump’s staff speaks Ukrainian). Russia denies any knowledge of events, says no such plane will be permitted to enter Russian airspace. Strangely, no one is able to track plane as it appears to head east over Sahara Desert. Rumors of a Russian transport landing in Syria several hours later are considered unreliable. In spite of major political crisis, Russian denies any knowledge and NATO countries can’t find any leverage against them. MAGA groups in US rage conspiracy theories.
April 2025 Attempted assassination attempt against President Harris, fails when shooter falls from rafters of stadium where Harris is speaking. FBI reveals that 4 other plots have been intercepted in just 3 months. Missile strikes against Kerch bridge shut it down again.
May 2025 A drunken Rudy Giuliani falls downstairs at MAGA event, is permanently confined to a wheelchair. Loses most remaining assets to court judgements and enters assisted living arrangements. Former Trump advisor Stephen Miller is severely injured in a drunk driving accident after arguing with and assaulting girlfriend. Remains in comatose state. Massive bomb containing nerve gas is detonated in Kiev, target is Zelensky, but he is unharmed. 2000 killed. Poland shoots down 2 Russian fighters over its border, triggering major military escalation. Russia launches flight of 8 aircraft towards Polish border, all are shot down by US and Polish F-35s. Russia threatens nuclear war, but does nothing further. Ukrainian intelligence reports Russian army units on verge of open rebellion.
June 2025 Leaks from within Russian security apparatus indicate that Donald Trump is in fact inside Russia but is held incommunicado and heavily supervised. Eric Snowden calls Trump a misunderstood hero, then mysteriously falls to his death a week later. Numerous tweets and social media messages alleged to be from Donald Trump are dismissed as hoaxes, as are AI-generated videos of “appearances” with Vladimir Putin at his palatial estates.
July 2025 Jared and Ivanka Kushner announce they are moving to Saudi Arabia permanently due to “harassment” but are snubbed on arrival and denied permission to purchase large estates. Rumors fly that Kushner has defaulted on hundreds of millions in loans and hoped to personally renegotiate terms with rulers. Humiliated, they travel to Bahrain and eventually Israel. Truth Social (DJT) files for bankruptcy amid rumors of rampant embezzlement and mismanagement. Investors lose more than $3 billion overnight.
August 2025 Russian forces continue large-scale retreats from Kherson fronts. Ukraine destroys Kerch bridge with finality, hitting it with more than 10 missiles. Russian military situation in Ukraine is at its poorest since start of war. Putin reveals that Donald Trump is in fact a “guest” and “victim of persecution” undergoing “treatment” at a medical facility, offers to negotiate his return to the US if Ukraine agrees to a ceasefire and annexation of Luhansk and Donetsk oblasts. Offer is rejected, Russia universally condemned as terrorist state. Tensions between Russia, Japan, and China increase. Russian military casualties now exceed one million.
September 2025 Steve Bannon reveals he has a brain tumor, accuses “Demoncrats” of causing it with shots he received while in prison. Mike Lindell commits suicide after losing appeals regarding his bankruptcy judgements.
November 2025 All Trump Org properties in New York have been sold. Trump name is removed from Trump Tower. Rudy Giuliani, blind and paralyzed, dies in run-down nursing home from malnutrition. J. D. Vance is arrested in Ohio after drunk driving incident that leaves 2 dead. Amy Coney Barrett resigns from Supreme Court after being ordered to by her husband. She is replaced by 43-year-old liberal justice in a close vote.
December 2025 Attempted coup against Vladimir Putin, coup fails but reports abound of several hundred killed and extensive damage to Kremlin sub-basements. Over a dozen Russian pilots defect to Estonia and Latvia with their aircraft.
July 2026 Steve Bannon dies from cancer. Marjorie Taylor Greene is killed in a bizarre weightlifting accident.
August 2026 Putin reveals that Donald J. Trump has died after “a long struggle”. Refuses to repatriate body. Documents allegedly reveal that Russia attempted to launch two nuclear missiles at Ukraine in May, but both failed to fully deploy from their launchers due to neglect. Facing rebellion from his commanders, Putin refrains from ordering more launches. Mar-A-Lago massively damaged by hurricane winds, it’s revealed that insurance was canceled over two years previously.
November 2026 Democrats expand control in Senate against expectations. Robust economic growth is considered the reason. Unemployment is below 3%.
March 2027 Reports abound that Vladimir Putin has died or has been assassinated, but virtually no information is flowing from Russia due to nearly all phone and internet links being severed, blocked, or sabotaged. There are reports of persons in Russia caught with satellite internet devices being summarily executed.
April 2027 It is announced that Vladimir Putin has “retired” and Russia will be ruled directly by a “national council” led by Dimitry Medved. Elections are suspended for 10 years due to “interference”. Reports of fighting among various Russian military units. Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito dies.
November 2028 Kamala Harris is re-elected president against a fragmented and increasingly delusional Republican party, part of which has split away to form the “America” party with Ted Cruz as candidate. He wins no electoral votes, even from Texas.
January 2029 Former Congresswoman Lauren Boebert dies under mysterious circumstances at a truck stop in Colorado.
November 2032 Josh Shapiro is elected 48th president of the United States. Boomer population has decreased so much that Republicans are at risk of permanently losing states like North Carolina, Texas, and Florida as blue. Ohio and Iowa are viewed as eminently flippable.
